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5 ways to identify soul-sucking Narcissism and how to walk away into worthiness. Tools, insights and wisdoms to break the cycle and stay free.
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Episode Transcript
Welcome to the Making of You. I'm Alexandria, founder of Your Transformation Hub and the YouTube channel of the same name. And this podcast is dedicated to shortcuts to get you through the information maze into the center of wise action and authentic transformation.
So I want you to have a lot of fun becoming the architect of your own life. And today, let's dive in. It's five ways to neutralize a narcissist.
Well, my number one is what is a narcissist? Personally, I believe it is a little bit of an overused word. Alright, it's quite dramatic and it's extreme and polarized. Why? Because Narcissus in the Greek mythology, well, he was a pretty achieved and gorgeous guy and as a result he fell in love with his own reflection and his ego, his limited self, ended up draining all his energy and he died. The end.
So the moral of the story is that narcissism is a state of being that's run by your ego. It's not run by your heart, your infinite connection, nor is it a heart mind aligned place.
So it's going to be a polarized condition that's going to suck in everyone else's energy like a black hole.
But it's going to look really entertaining, it's going to look really entitled. And it's a person who literally can't imagine that anyone else around them is really worth their attention and so they don't have any particular sensitivities.
Now, the other side of life, the other side of the coin, often means that we've got another side of a polarity. So we've got the opposing side. And what is that? You can have a stealth narcissist. So what do I mean by that? Well, it's someone who is basically laying a foundation in their life of professional victimhood. Yep. They don't believe they've got a choice. They don't believe that they can learn differently. They believe everyone else is more fortunate than themselves or more capable or they simply want to be rescued. They're helpless and they're entitled to draining everyone else's energy and not learning.
So in my number one, I just want to flag that both sides of this polarity. The noisy narcissist, all right, putting on a big entitled show is actually no different to the crying or silent victim that's attempting to fish everyone else's energy and drain you.
So don't think that people who feel that they're victims are any less worthy of being helped than those who are entitled. All right. But equally, it's about reassessing and standing back and saying, is that person constantly rejecting learning? Is that person actually fueling what they want to maintain rather than expanding into a greater degree of balance, a greater degree of confidence and capability?
So whose energy is the stealth narcissist and the narcissist going to use? It's going to use yours. All right, so my number one is please be aware that you need to step back, get into your balance point, engage your heart mind alignment. I go on a lot about that in the podcasts. Please go to any podcast for the heart mind alignment explained and understand it's about using 100% of your resources.
So in my number one, I'm not saying don't be helpful, I'm not saying don't be of service, but really look and understand and feel your own balance point before you go diving in to places where people are often unwilling to change, unwilling to learn, or a combination of both.
Okay, number two, well, with narcissism, I think we do have to stand there in our heart mind alignment and say, yep, I've got to put my hand up, take responsibility and acknowledge that we actually built a part of the monster. Now, a lot of us might have people who we have considered very egocentric but also very powerful when we were growing up or very revered or put on pedestals. So we've probably encountered quite a few narcissistic or egocentric people.
Now, in the narcissism tradition, a lot of people might say that it's really important to have a little bit of the narcissist in there somewhere.
Personally, I don't agree. I don't think it's actually helpful to ever let your ego run riot, your limited self take over control of you for any reason.
But yes, we can be on a little bit of a borderline of being a little bit egocentric when we put ourselves into a position where we're more valuable than other people.
So basically, for us, I personally believe strong self love is always going to help you recognize and stop you building that monster. All right? Stopping you building constructs like need to be needed or rescuing consciousness or being in a situation where that person, oh, gosh, they're so wealthy, they're so powerful, they're so academic, they're so achieved in very standard ways that of course they must be right and I must be wrong.
So my number two is be willing to recognize how much have you gone out of your balance point in order to fuel this particular relationship? How attached are you and are you there saying, well, they can do the nasty bit or the powerful bit or the intellectual bit that I think I'm not very good at. And so they're kind of becoming a substitute for yourself, for the things that perhaps you don't feel the most confident about.
Now, equally, that can also be a minor reflection of your own sort of denial, victimhood, or putting things off for a better time.
So my number two is please dismantle constructs like need to be needed, please step back and start establishing fresh ways to relate to any narcissistic or egocentric people. And the best way to do that is guess what? Do the very simple thing of offering choice. Yes. So when we offer choice, what we're doing is we're offering loving consciousness.
Simple. And if we do that, then that person has, of course, full and front and central in their face the opportunity to change.
So you can say, have you tried this? Would you consider doing that? Do you think it's a good idea for this? So introducing alternatives and choices for that person to start, actually visually assessing their ability to learn and as a result, their ability and openness to live their life differently.
So I know it sounds very simple, but it is all part of stepping away, of dismantling that version of yourself that's got embroiled in the narcissistic arrangement. Yes, it can look all shiny and confident, but if it's confident because it's using your energy, then there's no confidence at all. It is just a subsidy. Yes, an energy of subsidy. So if that narcissist or egocentric person didn't have your energy, how do you think they'd fare in life if they're not prepared to learn? And that is the key to ask yourself, how would they go if I weren't there doing it for them? And probably your answer is going to be they would fail. Or they would really have to look at themselves and say, hey, I need to change because I'm running out of energy.
Just like the narcissist looking at his reflection. He died because he was obsessed with that egocentric condition, which in the ultimate is pure limitation. And limitation means no energy, no receiving, no change.
Okay, so number three.
Well, what narcissists do is they love because they're in a position where they're only there because they're using other people's energy that they do like to shame people or highlight other people's inadequacies, all right? To keep them maintained on their pedestal.
So the best thing I believe we can do in number Three is make sure that we're standing our ground vibrationally. All right? Be prepared to say no. All right? Now what narcissists and what the stealth narcissist can achieve is kind of establishing rules in an environment.
Sort of like they're the benchmark or the go to, or they are literally the authority and not to be denied. So the key with number three is that we recognize if we're feeling shame, we recognize if we're feeling inadequate, we recognize that how's our internal authority going? How do we feel about what we're speaking about? Do we believe in ourselves?
And the key is not to argue, all right? Because when you argue with people who are so polarized and egocentric, you're just going to drain your energy further.
So you're not going to say, I'm ashamed because I don't believe what they're saying or I think I'm against their authority. We're just going to say, hey, an alternative opinion is always welcome in life whether you agree or not. And so it's to support yourself and to trust yourself.
Now, as I mentioned in number two, we did build the monster.
So what happens with egocentric people is they're not going to dismantle in five minutes in our awareness because we've got a lot of versions of ourselves that have invested in that particular person.
We've kind of gone along with their dream and they've used our energy accordingly.
So there's going to be a step by step process where you step back from that polarized extreme. And when you move into your center and when you are gradually recognizing how you've been subsidizing and how you've been feeling and the sort of habits and conditionings that are limited that you've been undergoing or sort of matching in a tribute or an egocentric tribute to what they're doing or what they're defending.
So make sure that you are moving back progressively into balance, all right? That you do stand your vibrational ground, not because you're not open hearted and open minded, but because you are consolidating your choice to say, I need to reclaim that version of myself that was dancing out in that sort of polarity.
And I need to come back to the center of me and be able to use 100% of my resources to be aligned with my infinite unending potentiality. Because I'm back fully in my heart center. I'm not feeling shame, I'm not arguing with that person lowering my energy. All right? So I've got no conflict I'm really wanting to reclaim the versions of myself that weren't supportive or that I just didn't recognize, weren't particularly self loving.
Okay, so number four.
Well, one of the greatest things that narcissism and stealth narcissism feed on is this service aspect. Now I've got touched upon this. And service and worthiness are kind of wrapped up in a huge ball of twine, if you like ball of attachments. And it can be quite confusing.
So for me, if you are in your heart, mind alignment, you are in your. I am, you're in the center of your heart, you're relatively balanced and calm, then you can feel your worthiness. You can feel a natural connectedness to yourself, to your personal truth and to what you're feeling about what want to do. That sense of ignition, that sense of creative connection, fulfillment, wanting to take action. So you're feeling you. And worthiness is really, really built upon by being in balance. The reason is because you're not only saying, I want to dream about the immaterial energies that are coming through me, flowing through me, and I want to combine and co create with them.
But I also of course want to put them into form.
And that's where the mind administrates our life. And so when we feel worthy, we're acknowledging our unlimited connection, we're acknowledging our centeredness, our balance point. And of course narcissists and stealth narcissists don't like that because they believe that our energy and our empowering 100% of resources place, they're entitled to use it and we aren't.
So we need to build our worthiness. Of course meditation will do that. Being and valuing our own company is a huge aspect because a lot of these people actually don't want to be on their own because of course their energy source and the fuel will dry up. So they will do anything to attention seek. And it's up to us to say my worthiness and my serving of myself and others equally is really, really important.
So what do we do? Well, we choose literally to look at what we're doing for these people. All right, are we over serving? Are we sitting around in case they might need us? Are we rushing to dismantle a drama that to be honest, was perhaps fabricated in the first place in order to gain our attention or gain our notice in order to rush in and try and help.
So being worthy is saying, I am worthy with myself, on my own in mother nature. I am worthy, full stop. Because worthiness is for everyone. It's not just a single person, and certainly not the polarized, egocentric, and limited soul, okay? But it's a choice worthiness. And that's what narcissist and stealth narcissists rely on, because they don't think you're gonna tweak and tumble to the fact that, hey, you are valuable, you are worthy, and just as valuable and worthy as anyone else. But it's your choice to acknowledge that.
So you can say to yourself, for example, I'm embracing the perfect worthiness. But you do that in a quiet place with yourself or walking with Mother Nature or being in meditation.
Okay, so last point today, number five.
The biggest issue with people who are deeply polarized is they're lacking balance. All right? They want balance, but they make balance up by draining other people's balance, okay? Because they don't actually want to do the learning or make the personal changes in order to embrace balance. So my number five is don't resist letting go. And what can really drag out a relationship with a stealth narcissist or a narcissist is the fact that we give them multiple chances or we go, oh, they didn't really mean it, and we get sucked back in.
So definitely, they might not really mean it, but what do you really mean for you? And it's key in reclaiming yourself from any relationship that's deeply polarized or egocentric is to say, what I am, my worthiness, what I want to become, is really, really important and is valuable, is significant.
And to see that other people who are draining your time, draining your energy, they are standing between you and moving forward and creating the life you're meant to have.
So my number five is let the whole shit show fall apart. All right? If the relationship is truly showing you how unhappy you are, how drained you feel, how you're spending far too much time arguing, and how you might be trying to make them change or you might be trying to make their life better, but actually they love the drama. They love the crisis. This. Then it's about walking away. And for a lot of people go, oh, it's beaten me.
No, it hasn't. It's actually a natural way to say, hey, I deserve my balance. I deserve my infinite potentiality, and I deserve a life where I can reclaim versions of myself because I've learned, and there is absolutely no shame or no judgment about exploring extreme relationships. Like, narcissist exists, like professional victims, okay, but do you want that to be the whole of your life? And we all have a conscious choice. And you know me. I want you to use your discernment muscles. I want you to consciously choose. And once you wake up to what's happening and once you recognize that letting go is actually serving that person as well as yourself because you are re establishing your balance point, you're learning and open to learning once again, you're not engaged in conflict or draining your energy, then the other person, of course they also get the opportunity to move forward and to be embracing that learning even if they don't want to, or even if they just go out and find another willing victim to prop up and to substitute and to subsidize them.
Okay, well, it's been my great pleasure today. I hope that you've learned something or that you can identify if you are in a bit of a polarized relationship where it's more egocentric and more conflict than it is joy and unconditional love. So I wish you unconditional love. I wish you worthiness. And if you want to check out how to build those experiences in your life, then Please pass by YourTransformationHub.com There are plenty of meditation and I am architecture connections on the website to help you build your quality of life, build your frequency, your conscious vibration, and to really enjoy using 100% of your resources. Also, if you want to see more of this content, you can pop to the YouTube channel, your transformation hub, or you can go to my Insta account, Alexandria Walsh Roberts. So look forward to seeing you. And please enjoy and don't take it seriously. Make that transformational change. All right, let go and love life. Life. I'm Alexandria. Thank you very much for joining me.
